Covered Now In Stains
by The-Swift-Raven
Summary: love is love but what happens when you just break everything? Shizaya, rape, MxM, yaoi. 3 chap story
1. Breaking

As Shizuo languidly walked down the humid street he ran his fingers over the material of the gloves in his pockets.

He absolutely loved the gloves Celty had given him in the fight against the crazed Saika children specifically because they could not be cut by a blade. ANY blade. This was his first time taking them with him out of his apartment and he was hoping to get the chance to use them.

Shizuo decided to stop in the cool shade of an ally to smoke and as a dark fur trimmed coat came into view Shizuo gave a pleased smirk.

"Shiiiiiizuuuuu-Chaaaaaan~!"

The blonde pulled the gloves onto his hands and threw his cigarette to the ground stamping it out. Izaya's smirk faded a bit as he got closer and his grip around the flick-blade in his pocked tightened. "Not throwing anything today? Is the brute finally acting civil?"

Shizuo's face twitched as his anger was barely contained but he refused to lose control. Instead he turned and began to walk down the alley he was currently in, turning his back on a shocked Izaya. He inwardly grinned as the flea began following him. The blond led him through a maze of streets and alleyways until the sun began setting and they were in an abandoned block of warehouses where the informant finally lost it.

"What the hell Shizu-chan? I refuse to be ignored like this!' he took out his flick-blade and aimed a slash the other. His blade suddenly stopped having missed its mark and instead was being held in Shizuo's glove covered hand. Shizuo stopped the blade with his hand? No way. The world tilted suddenly, almost snapping Izaya's head back with the force, as the informant was thrown into a nearby building. He let out a sharp gasp as something in his chest cracked.

Shizuo laughed somewhat insanely. "Surprised _Izaya_?" he called as he picked up a vending machine and threw it at the stationary raven. Why is it that only Izaya got his blood racing like this? The informant narrowly dodged the large object hurling towards him, clipping his shoulder for his delayed reaction and losing his footing. Shizuo watched pleased that he had finally subdued the flea as Izaya leaned against a building wall taking sharp intakes of breath. He had definitely broken a rib damn it. How will he escape the monster closing in on him now?

Izaya held up his flick-blade in warning as he panted heavily, his face scraped and slightly bleeding. Shizuo stepped closer and grabbed the blade with a gloved hand forcing the blade out of Izaya's grip and tossing it to the side. He grinned in triumph at the horror on the informant's face. He was cornered and his life was in the hands of this monster. He closed his eyes expecting his death but once again Shizuo didn't act as predicted. Why would he?

Izaya found a pair of lips on his own and opened his eyes in shock jerking his head away "What the-Mph!" Shizuo crushed their lips together again and pinned Izaya to the wall as he forced his tongue into the others mouth only to pull back cursing. The informant smirked as the ex-bartender cursed over his bitten tongue but yelped when the blonde pressed a hand to the place where the raven had broken a rib. Shizuo rubbed the spot gently and watched as the informant squirmed in pain whimpering softly. "S-stop…Shizuo stop it…" the raven pleaded as his eyes glimmered with tears. "Don't tell me what to do." The blond growled and pressed hard causing Izaya to cry out and almost double over in pain.

The sound of the slap reverberated off the walls "get off me!" Izaya cried the fear evident in his voice but Shizuo could care less about the raven being scared as he pressed closer and pinned the others hands above his head "what's wrong _Izaya-kun_?" Shizuo mocked in a sickening sweet voice "scared cause you can't control me?"

"Please Sh-shizuo….don't" Izaya whimpered as Shizuo licked up the raven's neck biting down roughly at the request. More tears formed in the informants eyes as Shizuo's free hand slid under his shirt sliding his thumbs over Izaya's nipples. The raven squirmed at the feel of the foreign material over his sensitive skin "Sh-shizuo stop…" he pleaded as Shizuo's hand went lower and roughly palmed the front of Izaya's pants "_this_ part of you says otherwise" the blonde replied.

Izaya couldn't deny that he wanted Shizuo but not like this. He didn't _want_ to be _raped_. But Shizuo didn't seem to care much about what the other wanted as he forced Izaya's pants down and flipped the raven so he faced the wall, his ass exposed to the blonde. Shizuo roughly squeezed a perfect cheek leaning forward to lick and bite at the others ear and neck casing Izaya to shudder. "Damn your so fucking sexy." Shizuo said huskily and he undid his own pants and exposed his aching member. He pushed his way into Izaya as he writhed. The pain was immense without preparation and considering how big Shizuo was.

The blonde didn't wait to pull back and slam back in again repeating the motion over and over pounding into the lithe informant's ass not even caring for the blood trickling down Izaya's thighs and his cries and screams of pain. No, he was too lost in the feeling of finally getting what he had wanted: the informant finally broken. He groaned turned on by the fact that he was the one to break Izaya and pounded even harder into the raven griping his sides to get a better angle.

Izaya's eyes were dull compared to their natural teasing and ever-so-happy lighting. People say that a person's eyes where the way to their soul, if that was true then Izaya's had broken. The constant pain of Shizuo thrusting into him, his broken ribs, and his throat, raw from crying and screaming, was all that he felt. He began wondering why, why did this happen to him as his face scraped against the wall with the power of the blondes thrusting when he realized he wasn't the perfect person he thought he was. He was a horrible awful person and he deserved this from the only person he loved the most; the only person he didn't want to leave his life.

Shizuo finally came into Izaya's bruised and broken body with a satisfied moan. The raven slid to the ground unable to hold himself up once Shizuo had let go of him. The blonde grinned at the mess he made of Izaya; there were hickeys and bruises covering his neck and shoulders and blood mixed with cum leaked from his ass down his legs, but the most satisfying to see was the look on his face: one of anguish and defeat mixed with fear. Tears flowed from somewhat lifeless eyes as he curled into himself. He muttered some incomprehensive sound like he was saying sorry. Shizuo felt a pang of self-loathing as he realized that this act made him no better than the monster he was always being called. The blonde picked up the broken Izaya tenderly careful of the broken rib the other had sustained and carried him to his home.

He put Izaya in the shower and laid out clean clothes for the raven as he turned the shower on for the other. Izaya wordlessly undressed and got into the shower his eyes still dull and lifeless. He washed away the blood and the pain when he spotted a razor. Pristine sharp blade of metal calling to him screaming that he was wrong and he would never be loved in return for anything he did. Izaya reached for the razor as the bathroom door opened again "I called Shinra. He'll be here soon to reset your rib." Shizuo said in a calm almost annoyed tone. Izaya didn't grace the other with a reply instead he continued to wash himself down scrubbing his disgusting skin raw and turning the water to scorching hot.

Shizuo pulled the curtain to the side when he received no reply and yanked Izaya out of the shower at the sight of the scorched dark pink skin. "Why are you hurting yourself" he asked already knowing the answer was because of what he had done. Again Izaya didn't answer he just wrenched himself from Shizuo's grip not caring that he hurt his arm in the process and reached for a towel to dry himself off with. The blond pinned Izaya to the wall and kissed his lips softly "I love you Izaya" fresh tears fell from Izaya's fear widened eyes "I loved you too Shizuo. I loved you too." Hearing the past tense Izaya's words Shizuo felt apart of him break off inside.


	2. System Failure

_His heart pounded loudly as the blonde leaned closer a crazed grin on his face "come on, Izaya." The blonde said sweetly as he palmed the front of said raven's pants. Izaya groaned and squirmed at the contact and the words so close to his ear. "You know you want this. Admit it." Shizuo growled dangerously as he bit into Izaya's neck. The informant's breath hitched and he breathlessly said "I…I"_

"_You what, Izaya?"_

"_I….I don't…."_

"_Well that's unfortunate for you." Izaya bit his lip at the blondes word knowing exactly what the meant "no Shizuo don't." the raven said and squirmed out of the blondes grip only to be flipped over on the bed and having his face pressed into a pillow "shut up. You don't tell me 'no'" Shizuo said with an eerily calm voice as he softly stroked down Izaya's back. Suddenly the raven's pants were ripped off and Izaya whimpered in pain, the whimper turning to a scream as Shizuo penetrated him dry. _Izaya woke in a cold sweat to Shizuo gently shaking him awake. Almost instantly Izaya screamed "GET OFF ME!" and crawled to the farthest side of the bed.

The raven hated it here, from the smells he was surrounded with to having Shizuo constantly all over him. Worrying, kissing, touching, Izaya couldn't take a shower without the blonde hovering over him as a daily reminder of what had happened. It made him sick. It made him want to cry and scream. It made him want the blonde dead. Why was he stuck here in the first place? It was all Shinra's fault. Shinra had said he would only make in-house visits as far as Shizuo's apartment and Izaya's place was too far away. He would wring the doctor's neck at a later time for that.

A hand on his shoulder made him flinch and growl as he did because the flinch was an action that was not of his own doing. "Was it a bad dream?" Shizuo asked.

'_Yes and it was your entire fault you monster.'_

"No you idiot." Izaya said coldly pushing Shizuo hand off him "stop touching me." Maybe the blonde had forgotten how much he truly hated him. All the same, Shizuo wrapped his arms around Izaya's waist. "Don't lie to me." His voice rumbled with danger. Izaya was pissed "I said get your hands off. Of. Me." He said muscles tensing as his arm sent a sharp blow straight into Shizuo's face.

The ravens arm went numb for a second as he slipped away from the groaning blond slipping on his coat and rushing out the door without a thought for shoes or actual pants instead of the shorts he was currently wearing. He just wanted to get _**away**_. He made his way through the town like a stray cat, avoiding main roads and street lamps like the plague. No one knew this city better than Izaya did so he didn't worry about getting lost, no, the only fear was Shizuo finding him. Something lay on the ground ahead glinting with a familiar tone to it. As Izaya approached he noticed it was his flick blade. '_Wait. if that's my blade then…'_ he took a look around. It was definitely the spot where his love for Shizuo had died. The place he held so much hatred towards.

He swiped up his blade, closed it in a gentle manner, and examined the place for the second time. Shadows ate at the far ally across from him almost moving towards him with the intent of swallowing him too but it was just his imagination. Grass had pushed up and cracked the thin concrete, now mostly gravel, sand, and broken glass bits, below his feet. He walk out from the cover of the alley and became washed over in the pale light of the full moon sitting in the sky above, almost scolding him for staying in this place; for allowing himself to feel for the first time in days. His feet barely made a sound as he wandered looking at the ware houses that had darkened with age. Almost all the windows were broken out and their jagged edges looked like the teeth of a hungry demon, always eating without remorse.

But the building weren't what he was looking _for_. Finally he spotted it. Izaya moved closer and touched a finger to the crimson stain on the ground. This was his blood: his **life**. On the concrete like it was worthless. A crunch of gravel behind him made him turn fast and point his blade in the direction. A black cat was approaching with caution and froze when Izaya had suddenly turned its ears flicking back. Izaya glanced at the cat "there's no way you made that noise." He said softly all of his senses alert as he looked from the darkness of one alley to another. The outline of a figure could just barely be seen Izaya reached in his pocket for one of his throwing knives and faster than can be seen he threw it towards the figure. A grunt from the figure told him he had hit his mark.

The raven slowly got to his feet and made his way to the figure crumpled on the ground finding the blade he threw snapped in half and covered in blood. "You're out of practice Shizuo." he said regarding the wound to Shizuo's left side in distain. He contemplated taking his flick blade and digging into the wound imagining it almost perfectly. Ending the monsters life once and for all. But that wouldn't do at all. "The only reason I'm letting you live is not because I love you. Don't think that for a second. I'm letting you live because you're the only thing I hate that's living. You know how to get to Shinra's from here so have fun." Izaya pulled a twisted smirk as he traced a line straight across Shizuo's neck going over his jugular, wanting the line to be a true wound bleeding and ebbing the life from the bodyguard.

Izaya got to his feet deaf to the troubled breathing and the halfhearted words coming from Shizuo's bleeding body. Instead he just signaled a goodbye to the blonde and called "let's play this game again some other time Shizu-chan. If your still alive to play~!" silently promising to never let his guard down. He made his way back to Shizuo's place to pick up the few things he had there disgusted with the smell on them so he stuffed them into a bag. Putting on his shoes he left, the only thing signifying he had been there was the bloody, broken, throwing knife that had been, only a half an hour earlier, embedded in Shizuo's left rib cage.

A simple calling card of hatred, a symbol of what had happened and a warning to what could happen. Izaya was done with Shizuo always underestimating him. Now, the tables have turned in Izaya's favor and he grinned insanely to himself. _**All the cards were in his favor.**_

_**A/N I hope its in good...favor amongst my readers i did this in a 3 hour period because A.) i knew how to write it this time B.) i felt good and C.) my music was great! all i needed was listen to a mixture of The Used Three Days Grace and BoTcHED. the romance some of you guys wanted might have to hold off till another story because if it happened in this story it would be SO f-ed up i would give you nightmares. i mean like really dark darkness, demons crawling on you walls nightmares. so il be posting a pure romance story sometime soon if school dosnt get in the way and im in the right writing mood~!  
**_

_**love you~!  
**_

_**- The-Swift-Raven  
**_


	3. Forever

**A/N: welcome to the last chapter of this lovely angst filled story. I'm getting alot of mixed feelings about this chapter so give me feedback on weather you love of hate it. if i get enough i might just redo the whole chapter. but i think it turned out fine. not alot of dialog but instead your going to see into their minds a bit. feel what they feel. or at least i do.**

Shizuo awoke annoyed with the light penetrating through his eyelids. Once he opened his eyes all he saw was the clear blue sky on a seemingly beautiful day. He coughed and a large pain shot through his chest making him wince while he sat up. He remembered last night just vaguely but the throbbing pain in his chest confirmed that he _**had**_ been stabbed by Izaya and that part wasn't just a bad dream. Reality hit Shizuo like a truck. Izaya was gone, had left him, and was now planning to…to what? To kill him? The raven's motives were always unclear to the bodyguard. He ran a hand through his hair in thought.

For one he had to get to Shinra so the doctor could fix his stab wound, then he needed to track down Izaya. The raven could quite possibly be anywhere but Shizuo was set on finding the other. He slowly, and painfully, got to his feet almost pitching forward due to blood loss induced dizziness. Man, this was even worse than the time he was shot. Way back when Izaya had still loved him in his twisted sort of way. He was sure that if the knife wound hadn't grazed his left lung then it had definitely punctured it. Damn. He really had screwed up this time.

The blonde hadn't just hurt Izaya physically but mentally and emotionally as well. Shizuo thought back to first seeing Izaya. The raven was always so withdrawn from everyone always quiet always keeping to himself. The first few times the smirk on the informants face looked almost forced. It might have been from the fact that Izaya was the one taking care of his little sisters through their lives because of the growing absence of his parents. It could also be because he just wanted to be isolated form people because they could bring out his genuine self. Making his newly formed mask slip with the emotions he didn't want anyone to see.

At least that's how Shizuo saw it. Izaya claimed it was because he was a god and gods are exempt of any _humanly_ emotions such as pain, sadness, loneliness, and lust. Gods are love. The love and they play with their toys how they please. Not Shizuo. No, Shizuo was just the thing a god didn't want because Shizuo was a monster and monsters never react like they are supposed to. Shizuo was definitely the monster that was unwanted; a thorn in the dear god's side. Religiously, Shizuo would take the place of Lucifer and Izaya would, of course, be god.

The blonde's breathing was uneven as he stood in Shinra's doorway pounding on the door loudly. The brunette answered with his usual bubbly concern and Celty with her damn inquiring nature. Shizuo almost contemplated smashing her beautiful PDA because she was shoving it in his face so often he could barely reply before she typed back a reply or new question. Luckily he passed out as soon as Shinra had stared some wound examinations. Shizuo was in the dark again alone with his thoughts.

If Izaya was this god, this god of love and all-knowing power, would Shizuo be with him when he died? He wanted to hope so. But then again, if he was on Lucifer terms with Izaya then he would just be cast away. All because of jealousy. Doesn't everything _just start with jealousy?_ That's definitely how Izaya got raped. Shizuo was jealous of the other man. The raven was always so composed so self-controlled so _perfect. _Shizuo was just the opposite but he wanted the self-control Izaya had always_ seemed _to possess. He wanted to be able to love someone as greatly as Izaya loved his humans. And over time he just began wanting Izaya.

The raven seemed to enjoy spending time with the blonde. Even if it was being chased down by the murderous bodyguard. Izaya just loved to get under Shizuo's skin and it seemed like he didn't want to leave his host. But he always showed an extra hint of teasing with his threats. Shizuo wrote it off and Izaya just trying to get in his head but now that he looked back they were calls for attention. They were Izaya's ways of saying "I love you." All Shizuo had done in reply was kill the raven in the worst way possible.

**-/Izaya's Home 11:32p.m.**

It is said that when people have sex they are merging their souls. So raping someone is also the equivalent of stealing someone's soul right? That's sure how it seemed as Izaya stared into the mirror at his lifeless face. His eyes dull and less full of that forever smirking luster. Had his mask been broken? Yes it had. The grin that split his face was one of insanity and belonged to that of a psychopath. He felt he had to get even with the blonde. He needed emotional and mental release and only run-ins with Shizuo would fix those problems.

Yet at the same time he didn't want to see Shizuo. Why would anyone in their right mind want to see their rapist again let alone be chased down by said person? It was suicide! But Izaya wasn't in his right mind and quite the contrary, he was following an insane path, a path that did lead to his death and he didn't care for a second. He had lost his charm; his charisma. He had realized how much he didn't have control over; including his own life and emotions. He could only control almost everything and everyone else but humans were still humans; lovely, unpredictable creatures. Throw Shizuo in the mix and you get riots and thousands of humans refusing to be controlled.

Chaos.

But that's what he needed to awaken Celty's head; Chaos purely surrounding her? Izaya pulled at his hair slightly as he thought, pushing down his insane laughter with great difficulty, gripping the edge of the counter he stared his refection down. His shirt was slipping off his thin frame showing just how much he hadn't been eating lately. Two days of just a liquid diet and he looked like a corpse. Izaya looked from the mirror in disgust. This was not him. He never thought of dying he never starved himself and he never truly wanted to kill Shizuo.

Did Shizuo hurt him that bad? Was his heart completely broken because of Shizuo's act of-what exactly did the blonde act upon? Izaya had never given it much thought. What could the blonde have acted upon? It could have just been pent up sexual frustration. Shizuo never seemed to be able to get and women to go out with him because of his strength and temperament levels but there wall also still an impending rumor that the blonde was, in fact gay, and in love with Izaya. Well Izaya's injuries proved that much about the blonde's love.

I could also have been how he shows his love. The raven couldn't blame him because he had shown his love in twisted ways too. This act was angry though…what could have possibly set the blonde off in such a way he wanted to harm the one he loved? Was it a foul streak of jealousy? Shizuo would have many reasons to be jealous and angry with Izaya. The raven had sabotaged multiple jobs and relationships along with almost killing Shizuo's brother. But that was all just how he showed his sick love for the blonde. It could be called an obsession all the same. Izaya had truly been obsessed with Shizuo but now…he wasn't sure he could be or couldn't be anymore.

**-\\Shinra's Home 7:36a.m.**

Shizuo woke and furrowed his brows at the dark room he was in. it looked vaguely familiar but at the same time not. He sat up and was amazed when the striking pain from before was just a dull throb he stretched ever so slightly but was careful to not re-open the wound he glanced down at the bandages before getting to his feet and putting on his shirt. Shinra came straight into the door suddenly but Shizuo didn't even flinch. This was normal of Shinra. "Morning Shizuo! I'm glad to see you're awake after you passed out last night. Celty got worried that your wound was close to your heart. I man just a few inches up and over and we would be at you funeral!" the doctor chirped in his tone of concern. Shizuo groaned in frustration "how bad was it Shinra?"

"Well it just barely missed your lung and your hearts okay too so it's not that bad at all."

"That's it?"

"Just take it easy and you should be fine!"

"Fine. I'm leaving."

"So soon?"

Shizuo pushed his way out the door without saying another word and headed toward Ikebukuro. He knew just where to find Izaya and this time he wouldn't lose to a damn blade again. He tried slowing his pace as he came closer to the place where he had exacted his revenge; the place where Izaya had been broken. Finally away from the crowds of people, he went into a full blown sprint making it into the abandoned square in time to meet Izaya approaching from an alley on the opposite edge.

The raven didn't even look up at the blonde he just simply pulled out his blade of choice and flicked it open his laughter bubbling in his throat "why are we even fighting?" Shizuo asked sounding exhausted but in actuality he was in perfect condition. "Why did you even rape me?" Izaya snapped in reply the question reverberating through the hollow square "why do I even care for you? You do nothing but give me trouble and hurt me." Izaya said with a laugh "are you some sort of drug?" he inquired with a tilt of his head. "You _love_ me that's why you can't leave me alone. That's why you let me live." Shizuo replied "my infatuation is with _humans_. I love and obsess over _them_. You're just a monster no one could ever love!"

"Why did you even let me live then?" the blonde asked calmly although the words stung and bit deep. The raven didn't answer. He didn't have one for once. Why had he let the blonde live? His focus faltered for a second as he thought. He didn't notice Shizuo approaching until he felt a hand run through his hair and a pair of lips brush his forehead "no matter how hard you search you won't find an answer other than what can't be explained: love." He whispered against the raven's skin.

"**Stop touching me**!" Izaya shouted before slashing his blade up and across Shizuo's chest almost exactly in the same place as he had slashed when they were both at Raira. Shizuo stumbled back in shock and the raven began to stalk after him "don't you dare think you can ever know how or what I feel! I am on a level so far above yours that you could **never** know what I feel!" with that he slashed again this time his wrist being stopped by the blonde's hand. "Don't you think that's what I want? I want to be able to have what you have: self-control and how you're always composed. You're just…perfect. I'm just a fragment; a monster. So why don't you kill me now?" Shizuo placed Izaya's hand at his throat the blade situated at his main artery.

Izaya's eyes widened but he kept his hand very still. One sudden jerk and the blade would cut into the artery. Shizuo smiled something sorrowful yet content all the same. He knew his life was in the raven's hands and he was fine with any choice he made. Izaya let go of his knife and watched it fall out of the corner of his eye before smirking "I'm not about to lose to a play toy. I will kill you when I want and at a time I choose. I control you. Never the other way around, Monster." His said leaning close to the others face in a teasing way before pulling back and shoving a knee straight into Shizuo's groin slipping away as the blonde fell to his knees in pain. No matter what he did _**the raven always took his breath away**_.

**A/N: please please please tell me what you think about this chapter. be specific if a part needs to be redone or anything.**

_**shoot me. I'm wide open.~!****  
**_**-The-Swift-Raven**_  
_


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